Suffering Through Unrequited Love



Dear Dharma,

How does one deal with unrequited love?

I know it’s pure and beautiful, but it’s painful.  Any tips?

Stuck in Love

Dear Stuck,

This may be the shortest question I have ever received.  Oh, except maybe The Naked Gun.  Another short question that got a five part answer…

Don’t worry, I won’t drag this one out for five episodes.

For sure, unrequited love is painful and can take a long time to work through.  If we could simply separate your two sentiments – “it’s beautiful” and “it’s painful”, the world would be a better place, but that is seldom the case.

Staying stuck in this position offers no benefit to anyone, and it might very well feel like “I can’t help the way I feel” should blanket the entire situation, but all that does is enable you to stay in a painful situation.

So regardless of what tips Dharma has to offer, the first thing you must ask yourself is if you want to move away from this status.  Because if you don’t even want to, if “I can’t help myself” is still your motto, then nothing I say will be of any use.

Let’s assume you want to.  You know, just so Dharma can continue to spout her wisdom.  Phhht…

Start here with 6 Ways to Get Past the Pain of Unrequited Love.  It’s not going to immediately solve your situation, but it will give you some things to think about. Like whether or not this is pattern for you… and also, how important it is to acknowledge that emotional pain isn’t that far removed (if it all) from physical pain.  Dharma believes that wholeheartedly.

And here are 6 More Ways to read over (clearly, looking at this in 6 different ways is the trick), with my favorite line being, “Nothing I’ve learned over the years makes unrequited love not suck. It hurt when I was thirteen, and it hurt when I was 28.”  This article has some really good information, and definitely can get you thinking about things in a different light.

I’m hoping something in either or both of these articles is helpful to you.  I think some of the tips are really quite good, and I think if you are ready to move away from where you are emotionally residing currently, you can get yourself there.



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