He’s Not Talking to You… Because He Dumped You

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Dear Dharma,

My boyfriend thinks we have broken up, but it takes two to make that decision, doesn’t it? I’m not done with the relationship, especially due to the stupid reason he (thinks he) ended it.

He’s a little shy. I thrive on parties, dancing in the club, going out late with friends, and drinking until the wee hours of the morning. Come on, you’re only young once!

He’s such a downer when we are out so I know I need to train him to be more social.

So, I decided to throw him a big birthday party.

He only has a couple guy friends, so I invited a bunch of mine. I set it all up at a nice club and hired a DJ. It was the ultimate surprise.

He hated it! He left early, without me, and tried to break up with me the next day. That was a lot of time and effort and money I put into him. He has no right to treat me like this!

He obviously needs to come out of his shell and change, and I’m the best one to help him do this. But how do I get through to him when he’s gotten so bad at even returning my calls?

Shouldn’t we be talking out our problems together?

Sincerely,

Frustrated with Shy Boyfriend

Dear Frustrated,

Ah, I love you.  I really do.

How fantastic it must be to walk around in a cushy, mirror covered bubble, like, all the time!  How wonderful to never waste a single iota of energy on anyone but yourself!  Ahhh, the luxury of it, I can’t even imagine.

I’m pretty sure that continuing on with this answer will not be the best use of my time, since anyone as utterly self-absorbed as yourself won’t hear a word of reason – but hey, what the heck, let’s give it a shot!

Weird that your “boyfriend” hated a party that didn’t take a single thing about him into consideration, right?  Gah, what a jerk.

And your “boyfriend” hasn’t gotten so bad at returning your calls, he’s blocking you.  He’s doing that because he’s no longer your boyfriend.  He dumped you.  That’s why he’s not talking out your problems.  Because you’re no longer his problem.  He dumped you.  You don’t need to be in agreement with that decision for it to stand true.

He dumped you because you’re selfish, inconsiderate and quite frankly, clueless.

And yes, you’re only young once, but youth doesn’t give you license to be an a$$hole.  Dear lord, have your parents taught you nothing?

Unless you want this to be the pattern of your life, pull your head out of your butt and focus on changing yourself instead of putting so much energy into “training” others to fit your crappy mold.

Or don’t.  But then I’d recommend finding someone more suited to your current lifestyle.  There’s lots of party boys out there who won’t give a $hit about you anymore than you do them.

Dharma

 

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